Having chosen English as the preferred language in the EEC, the European Parliament has
commissioned a feasibility study in ways of improving efficiency in communications between
European officials have often pointed out that English spelling is unnecessarily
difficult--for example, cough, plough, rough, through and thorough. What is clearly needed
is a phased programme of changes to iron out these anomalies. The programme would, of
course, be administered by a committee staff at top level by participating nations.
In the first year, for example, the committee would suggest using "s" instead
of the soft "c." Sertainly, sivil servants in all sities would reseive this news
with joy. Then the hard, "c" could be replaced by "k" sinse both
letters are pronounced alike. Not only would this klear up konfusion in the minds of
klerical workers, but typewriters kould be made with one less letter.
There would be growing enthusiasm in the sekond year, it kould be announsed that the
troublesome "ph" would henceforth be written "f." This would make
words like "fotograf" twenty per sent shorter in print.
In the third year, publik akseptance of the new spelling kan be expekted to reash the
stage where more komplikated shanges are possible. Governments would enkourage the removal
of double letters which have always been a deterent to akurate speling.
We would al agre that the horible mes of silent "e"s in the languag is
disgrasful. Therefor we kould drop thes and kontinu to read and writ as though no thing
had hapend. By this tim it would be four years sins the skem began and peopl would be
reseptiv to steps sutsh as replasing "th" by "z."
Perhaps zen ze funktion of "u" kould be taken on by "v", vitsh is,
after al, half a "w." Shortly after zis, ze unesesary "o" kuld be
droped from words kontaining "ou." Similar arguments vud of kors be aplid to
ozer kombinations of leters.
Kontinuing zis proses yer after yer, ve vud eventull hav a reli sensibl
riten styl, after twenti yers zer vud be no mor trubls, difikultis and evrivun vud fin it
ezi tu understand ech ozer. Ze drems of ze Guvermnt vud finali hav kum tru.