by Nido Qubein
NidoQubein.com
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Here
are six techniques you can use to help you say things simply but
persuasively, and even forcefully:
(1) Get your thinking straight.
The most common source of
confusing messages is muddled thinking. We have an idea we haven’t
thought through. Or we have so much we want to say that we can’t
possibly say it. Or we have an opinion that is so strong we can’t keep
it in. As a result, we are ill prepared when we speak, and we confuse
everyone. The first rule of plain talk, then, is to think before you say
anything. Organize your thoughts.
(2) Say what you mean. Say exactly what you mean.
(3) Get to the point. Effective communicators don’t beat around
the bush. If you want someone to buy something, ask for the order. If
you want someone to do something, say exactly what you want done.
(4) Be concise. Don’t waste words. Confusion grows in direct
proportion to the number of words used. Speak plainly and briefly, using
the shortest, most familiar words.
(5) Be real. Each of us has a personality—a blending of traits,
thought patterns and mannerisms—which can aid us in communicating
clearly. For maximum clarity, be natural, and let the real you come
through. You’ll be more convincing and much more comfortable.
(6) Speak in images. The cliche‚ that "a picture is worth a
thousand words" isn’t exactly true (try explaining the Internal Revenue
code using nothing but pictures). But words that help people visualize
concepts can be tremendous aids in communicating a message. Once Ronald
Reagan’s Strategic Defense Initiative became known as Star Wars, its
opponents had a powerful weapon against it. The name gave it the image
of a far-out, futuristic dream beyond the reach of current technology.
Reagan was never able to come up with a more powerful positive image.
Your
one-on-one communication will acquire real power if you learn to
send messages that are simple, clear, and assertive; if you learn to monitor
the hearer to determine that your message was accurately received; and if
you learn to obtain the desired response by approaching people with due
regard for their behavioral styles.
Your finesse as a communicator will grow as you learn to identify and
overcome the obstacles to communication. Practice the six techniques I just
mentioned, and you’ll find your effectiveness as a message- sender growing
steadily.
But sending messages is only half the process of communicating. To be a
truly accomplished communicator, you must also cultivate the art of
listening.
If you’re approaching a railroad crossing around a blind curve, you can
send a message with your car horn. But that’s not the most important part of
your communication task. The communication that counts takes place when you
stop, look and listen.
We’re all familiar with the warning on the signs at railroad crossings:
Stop, Look and Listen. It’s also a useful admonition for communication.
It’s easy to think of communication as a process of sending messages. But
sending is only half the process. Receiving is the other half. So at the
appropriate time, we have to stop sending and prepare to receive.
A sign on the wall of Lyndon Johnson’s Senate office put it in a down-to-
earth way: "When you’re talking, you ain’t learning."
L
istening
Pays:
Salespeople have learned that you can talk your way out of a sale, but
you can listen your way into one. They listen to their customers to find out
what their needs are, and then concentrate on filling those needs. Skilled
negotiators know that no progress can be made until they have heard and
understood what the other side wants.
L
istening
Requires
Thought and
Care
Listening, like speaking and writing, requires thought and care. If you
don’t concentrate on listening, you won’t learn much, and you won’t remember
much of what you learn.
Some experts claim that professionals earn between 40% and 80% of their
pay by listening. Yet, most of us retain only 25% of what we hear. If you
can increase your retention and your comprehension, you can increase your
effectiveness in the 21st century’s Age of Information.
L
isten with
Your
Eyes
If you listen only with your ears, you’re missing out on much of the
message. Good listeners keep their eyes open while listening.
Look for feelings. The face is an eloquent communication medium. Learn to
read its messages. While the speaker is delivering a verbal message, the
face can be saying, "I’m serious," "Just kidding," "It pains me to be
telling you this," or "This gives me great pleasure."
S
ome
Non-Verbal
Signals to
Watch
For:
R
ubbing one eye.
When you hear "I guess you’re right," and the
speaker is rubbing one eye, guess again. Rubbing one eye often is a signal
that the speaker is having trouble inwardly accepting something.
T
apping feet.
When a statement is accompanied by foot- tapping, it
usually indicates a lack of confidence in what is being said. Rubbing
fingers. When you see the thumb and forefinger rubbing together, it often
means that the speaker is holding something back.
S
taring and blinking.
If you’ve made your best offer and the other
person stares at the ceiling and blinks rapidly, your offer is under
consideration.
C
rooked smiles.
Most genuine smiles are symmetrical. And most facial
expressions are fleeting. If a smile is noticeably crooked, you’re probably
looking at a fake smile.
E
yes that avoid contact.
Poor eye contact can be a sign of low
self-esteem, but it can also indicate that the speaker is not being
truthful.
It
would be unwise to make a decision based solely on these visible
signals. But they can give you valuable tips on the kind of questions to ask
and the kind of answers to be alert for.
G
ood
Listeners
Make
Things
Easy
People who are poor listeners will find few who are willing to come to
them with useful information. Good listeners make it easy on those to whom
they want to listen. They make it clear that they’re interested in what the
other person has to say.
Messages from the Masters
